Cuz you'd rather take advice from someone who cheats on her boyfriend
Ill sit here and swig from a beer and wonder how much it was worth
Cuz you tore it down in milliseconds
too soon for me to blink
To recover my hazy vision
I mean nothing and never did?
That's fine because you mean nothing now.
For the sake of forgetting your face
Ill down every bottle I can grasp
I am free monumentally
Time to shake you from my bones
Purge every little scrap
Of every perfection I ever found
In every flaw I held onto
You failed to remember that didn't you

wanting to do everything but having that concern of EVERYTHING that could go wrong.
I cant help but feel it in my heart every time you're close and tell me those things.
But every time I think back and wonder what mistakes I made I remember every single word and how convincing you were.
Even though I know when you're lying, even though I know when you don't mean something.
You were so clear in pushing me off and you succeeded.

mood: ?

I'm caught between myself and the wall.
I look back on photos on the happiest times of my life and I just think what the fuck.

mood: discontent

And every night I fantasize that when I open my eyes you'll be there.
But every day I wake up all I've got are the bugs in my hair.

I want this feeling again.
but then I realize I never lost it to begin with.
I just pushed it aside for now.

Motherfuckin back. ;D

mood: jubilant music: Jackson 5.

Essay One;

I won't even lie.
I cried.
I cried my ass out over you.
But then I realized something. A lot of things to be fair.
It was time to knock my ass up a couple of pegs.
It's the self actualization that's akin to some quick shit scenerio where you; crying on the curb, have your nemesis come up and tell you "Hey man, get your ass up. If you aren't happy who the fuck do I have to hate on?"
I needed closure. And I found it in cold lines.

Wanna be happy?
Don't settle.

It's weird putting my life down to words scrawled on pieces of paper.
But that's mostly what I've been working on. Essays for a memoir.
I'm going to start posting bits here and there.

mood: new

until I move out.

It'll be the first time Im truly on my own.
:)

mood: peaceful music: Roon's voice :)

"I was wrong about you"
I was wrong about you, too.


It was never supposed to change or become void and mean nothing.
You never got the meaning did you.

mood: determined